During a global pandemic, with all of its attendant uncertainty, it is perhaps kinder to switch from New Years Resolutions to New Years Intentions. We have all learned this past year how your plans can get dashed with one press conference. However, there are things one can do, even at home, even during a pandemic. Perhaps visiting the Taj Mahal or Machu Pichu is out for the time being but here are some other, smaller, things that might be possible:

Learn Dutch!

First ask yourself whether it is worth your effort to learn Dutch – here are 5 Questions to Ask Yourself before doing so.

Secondly, don’t be afraid! (especially of those hard g’s!) Learning Dutch is Child’s Play has some easy strategies for tackling this tongue twister of a language.

If you choose to move forward, you can learn or improve your Dutch by attending online classes at one of the Amsterdam Mamas’ community favorite language schools – they suit all levels and purposes. If official classes are not your thing, here is a list of the 16 best TV programs to help your Dutch organized by proficiency level – from kids cartoons to discussion of current events.

 Stay Active and Improve Your Physical Fitness!

Personal Trainers: Here is an updated list of the Amsterdam Mamas’ Community’s favorite personal trainers if you would like one-on-one or small group classes to reach your fitness goals. Alternatively or additionally, all of the finalists in the Amsterdam Mamas Recommends Awards Best Workout Studio offer online (and sometimes free introductory) classes.

Do Nothing!

Did you know there is an actual Dutch verb that means “to do nothing”? Niksen. It is not the same as being bored or restless; it is not getting a massage. Niksen is settling into a guilt free space of, well, not doing anything. A Polish journalist based in the Netherlands caused a media frenzy with her book and New York Times article about ‘niksen’.

Here is our review of Niksen: Embracing the Dutch Art of Doing Nothing. Maybe you will want to explore this very Dutch practice in your New Year.

Best wishes to all of the Amsterdam Mamas’ Community for a lighter, brighter, and happier 2021 from the Amsterdam Mamas Editorial Team.

The post Small and Beautiful: Manageable Intentions for 2021 appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

I start this review off with a disclosure: Mary Petiet and I have worked together at Amsterdam Mamas, and I consider her a friend. I have put off reviewing this book partially for this reason, and partially because I have been in pandemic survival mode, like everyone else. However, I gifted my yoga guide with a copy and she told me a few weeks ago how powerful she found it. So, inspired by her objective reaction, I decided to plunge in. After all, if  “Times of change are the times of greatest transformation” why not be a part of it? I could stand some transformation.

What Is Owl Magic?

Owl Magic, Your Guide Through Challenging Times is described on its cover as a “… toolbox of simple anxiety-busting strategies designed to reveal your hidden power.”

“Times of change are the times of greatest transformation” – Mary Petiet

How does it attempt to do this? Inspired by the owl, with its distinctive physical and mythological qualities, Owl Magic present the reader with a new way of seeing their times and their lives. It is a unique blend of comfort and challenge. Petiet makes the case that the challenges and sufferings of this pandemic are not unique in the history of the world; the human world has turned upside down before. In such tumultuous times, old patterns are replaced with new ones, and the relationships between people and power, societal and personal, also change.

Thus the challenge Owl Magic issues, gently, is how we can use this time in our own lives to change our outworn personal patterns, and to tap into our own personal power centers.

Different aspects of the owl serve as the inspiration for each chapter:

• Wisdom and Connection
• Retelling Your Stories
• Transform Through Turmoil
• Assume Abundance
• Face Your Fear
• Plant the Seeds for Future Growth
• Become the Hero of Your Story
• Renewal

Each of the chapters contains a concise and accessible exploration of its theme. Some philosophy, history, and feminist theory provide a framework for the practical guidance which follows:

1) A specific yoga posture connected to the theme of each chapter is suggested and carefully explained. The postures, or asanas, are simple and basic – nothing that requires any training: Owl, Mountain, Warrior, Tree, etc. These postures take on a new life when you understand they are manifesting a psychological reality as much as a physical one.

2) After the yoga posture is a guided meditation: an interior journey within your own imagination, yet following a specific path. The mediations are creative, lovely, and relaxing. At first I found myself wishing they were audios so I didn’t have to keep opening my eyes to read the next instructions, but I got around this eventually by reading them thoroughly beforehand and committing them to memory.

3) Finally, the chapters end with writing prompts: several questions or instructions for personal journaling. The prompts are not threatening and are normally open-ended, such as: 

• What kind of energy are you putting out? 
• Retell your most important stories.
• What is the hardest gift you have ever given?
• Make a list of all the things you fear.
• If you met the Earth Mother, what would you tell her?

Owl Magic is a book best savoured over time rather than done quickly. It would be a wonderful basis for an individual or small group weekend retreat, but it could also serve really well if taken one chapter per week, or per month as desired. It depends on how deep you want to dive, the pace you want to go.

I don’t share all of Petiet’s perspectives on history, religion, women, or owls (!) and this gave me pause, but I was relieved that Owl Magic is in no way a diatribe. It is rather a quiet and compassionate invitation to self-reflection, growth, and capacity building – psychological, spiritual, and physical. And while it may feel particularly pertinent now, during this pandemic, our lives will continue to have their share of these challenging times and Owl Magic can be like an old and trusted friend, visited as often as needed.

Owl Magic: Your Guide Through Challenging Times can be ordered online from Bol, Amazon, and Sea Crow Press.

Amsterdam Mamas received a free copy of this book in exchange for our honest review.

Photo Credit: Sea Crow Press

The post Book Review: Owl Magic: Your Guide Through Challenging Times appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

My daughter was one of the last ones in her high school to catch the virus, before the school shut down. Fortunately, her COVID-19 symptoms were quite mild. What we didnt know then is that her complaints would turn into something else and last for so long. We didn’t know there would be so little either we or her doctor could do for her. We were told to come back if her symptoms didn’t improve in a month. After there was no change in three months, we returned and still nothing was offered. We were advised to wait and see.

Now, four months after testing positive for Covid-19, her sense of smell and taste have not fully returned (anosmia). In fact, it seems to be distorted (parosmia). Orange and lavender smell awful, and a few things smell like burnt wood. The deep cough also returned, which our doctor said would improve. We are still waiting. 

What is Long-COVID?

There is no agreement on the definition of Long-COVID but in the UK, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) defined it as:

Signs and symptoms that develop during or after an infection consistent with COVID-19, continuing for more than 12 weeks and unexplained by an alternative diagnosis.

According to the literature, the symptoms can even last up to a year and affect young adults and children without underlying chronic medical conditions.

Recognition of this post-COVID-19 condition is growing, but more research is needed according to the World Health Organization, which calls on decision-makers to support patients, as 1 in 10 report symptoms of Long-COVID-19 after 12 weeks. An interesting update about the long term effect of COVID-19 was presented by the WHO in September 2020.

According to some studies, between 10 to 35% of COVID 19 patients, who had symptoms ranging from mild to severe struggle with Long-COVID.

The Royal Dutch Medical Association estimated until end 2020 that 10% of mild to severe COVID-19 symptoms would evolve into a Long-COVID exceeding three months, though some clinicians think that estimate is probably too low.

“It is, however, a lot more” says Xavier Falières, a French anaesthesiologist who has been working at the Albert Schweitzer Ziekenhuis in Dordrecht for twenty years. “I do not know what the reality is, and to what extent we are not redefining the syndrome, with so many new clinical signs we are going to include more and more patients. Is it an adaptation of the virus that would kill fewer people?” he wonders. Still, he remains cautious, “We shouldn’t create a disease from scratch, in which everyone who’s had COVID recognises himself . Far be it from me to deny that there are some long COVID syndromes that are handicapping, but 30% of the 1.25 million cumulative confirmed COVID-19 cases (i.e. 375,000 cases) in the Netherlands? I have a bit of a hard time [believing that]. It should not become like the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of the 80s and 90s, which saw thousands of people permanently incapacitated, receiving allowances without any proof of [having] the disease, [though] the syndrome has since been much better defined with strict criteria and the number of cases has strongly diminished”.

Reports of the so-called Long-COVID are rising but little is known about the prevalence, risk factors or whether it is possible to predict a protracted course early in the disease. Long-COVID was more likely with increasing age, body mass index, and being female, reported Nature Medicine.

A new national study from Radboud University Medical Center, in Nijmegen, is investigating paramedical recovery care for Long-COVID patients to understand the illness better and form a more accurate picture of its prevalence.  

Long-COVID: Signs and symptoms that develop during or after an infection consistent with Covid-19, continuing for more than 12 weeks and unexplained by an alternative diagnosis.

Possible Symptoms

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Long-COVID has wide-ranging symptoms:

• fatigue
• cough
• congestion or shortness of breath
• loss of smell (anosmia) and taste
• distorted smells (parosmia)
• headache
• body aches
• diarrhea
• nausea
• chest or abdominal pain

Psychological problems, such as depression, anxiety, brain fog and other rarer symptoms such as hair loss can also be added to the list. Some patients have presented with up to 13 symptoms.

Treatment

Current Situation in the Netherlands

“There is no scientific evidence available concerning the optimal aftercare for post-COVID patients,”  acknowledges the Dutch College of General Practitioners (NHG). There is still insufficient knowledge regarding the extent of long-term damage to the lungs, heart, blood vessels, or brain. Moreover, there are indications of an increased risk of thromboembolic complications in the acute and recovery phase.

According to the NHG, long-term complaints are a real issue and we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg. This issue is also on the RIVM’s (National Institute for Public Health and the Environment) agenda.

Where Can You Seek Treatment?

Your general practitioner will refer you or your child to a specialist if symptoms persist. For further advice on a post-Covid referral and ambulant revalidation in case of multiple complaints, see the guidelines of the Nederlands Huisartsen Genootschap (NHG).  

In Amsterdam, there is a post-COVID clinic (Corona Nazorg Poli) at UMC in the AMC location. Again, you would need a referral from a specialist or a general practitioner to access it.  This multidisciplinary clinic, which plans to work with OLVG, has a specialist team of pulmonologists, infectious diseases specialists, vascular doctors, cardiologists, physiotherapists, and dieticians.

Resources

Insurance

Anyone presenting with chronic complaints after a COVID-19 infection has a right to care covered by their basic insurance:  convalescent paramedical care, which includes physiotherapy, ergotherapy, dietary advice, and speech therapy. Ask for a referral from your general practitioner or specialist. It is neither necessary to have been tested positive for COVID-19, nor to have been hospitalized.

The Zorgwijzer website has received thousands of reactions from long-Covid sufferers, which may help answer your questions on healthcare insurance further.

For more advice on COVID-19 infection aftercare, consult the Dutch College of General Practitioners (Nederlands Huisartsen Genootschap – NHG).

Support

• C-Support nazorg COVID-19  looks broadly at the consequences of the disease. The aftercare advisor does not offer medical care, however, they can discuss your medical-related questions concerning corona and your work, income, and psychosocial consequences.     
• St Antonius Ziekenhuis in Utrecht offers some valuable advice on recovery from Covid-19 (in Dutch).
• The World Health Organization wrote a practical guide on “Support for rehabilitation self-management after Covid-19-related illness.”
• Survivor Corps is a not-for-profit, grassroots movement educating and mobilizing COVID-19 survivors, connecting them with the medical, scientific, and academic research community, to help stem the tide of the pandemic and assist in national recovery.
• Long-Covid Kids is a website available in 11 languages including French, German, Spanish, Italian, Arabic, Polish, and Portuguese. You can also find them on Facebook under ‘Long-Covid Kids – Parents Support Group.’
• Reuk- en smaakverlies na COVID-19 is a Facebook group for people who have lost their senses of taste and smell (anosmia).
• Corona patiënten met langdurige klachten is a Facebook group for people struggling with the long-term effects of Covid-19.
• Association Anosmie has a 12 weeks free olfactory training protocol for the loss of smell.

​​Looking Forward

In a policy brief from the World Health Organization published on February 25th, In the wake of the pandemic: preparing for Long-COVID, the authors recognize that many people struggle to recover from acute infection. They often suffer from disabling symptoms lasting weeks, months, or even longer. 

The WHO brief highlights areas where policy-makers can take action to meet the challenge of post-Covid conditions, such as creating appropriate services, including rehabilitation and online support tools, addressing employment rights, sick pay policies, and access to disability benefits, involving patients to foster self-care and self-help, and shaping awareness of post-COVID conditions.

Fortunately, there is hope. Some Long-COVID sufferers have reported that their symptoms disappear after their vaccinations according to the Washington Post. However, more research is needed as it is too early to say whether vaccinations have an unequivocally beneficial effect on Long-COVID sufferers.

Only time will tell.

Photo credit: Banner by Adam Nieśiouruk. In-text images by Richárd Ecsedi , Engin Akyurt and Diana Polekina. All royalty-free images curated via Unsplash

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Firstly, 2020, you suck.

I just realised: 2020 in Cantonese is “easy nothing, easy nothing”. So perhaps I should have known. But it’s sucked. Every area of our lives have been curtailed. 

Except the home. 

Unlike in my home country, Australia, here in Amsterdam houses are rare and costly, so apartments and flats are the norm for Amsterdam-dwellers. Most of us live in apartments less than 120 sq metre. To add to this coziness, the initial lockdown for COVID19 in March meant that overnight, working from home (WFH) was instated. Schools were closed, mandated to run online.

So, suddenly (word not used for drama!) all members of the family were confined to spend all day, everyday in these small apartments. Save for walks and runs and exercise, suddenly (again, not dramatic use!) we had to learn to survive and thrive in very close quarters.

Gezellig! (irony)

Now, Dec 2020, we’re back to hard lockdown due to alarming, unrelenting, COVID19 cases here in the Netherlands. Parks, museums, schools, shopping outlets, cafes, restaurants, gyms, childcare facilities, places of worship, offices… all closed.

2020, you suck.

Circumstances in my childhood drove me, as an adult, to create a warm and safe haven in my home space. Since independence from my parents, I have moved and lived in 13 homes. This current Amsterdam apartment is my 14th. And here too, despite the hodge-podge of landlord-furniture and our own curated pieces from Australia, I still strive to create that haven, for me and my loved ones.

My home, my haven for myself, is no longer. Thank you very much, you beast of a 2020. I no longer have the 6-7 hours daily during the week to myself, to potter around #ultimatehomebody. My beloved husband and two daughters are here. All day. Everyday. 2020 has tested that haven-home like nothing else.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always relished the evenings, when everyone comes home to gather for dinner at our dining table. For years, my soul felt complete when the husband returned from work and both my daughters were home, with me, behind locked doors, safe from the evils out there, and the wallabies waiting to pounce. Beastly creatures (koalas, kangaroos, wombats) and cuddly things (snakes and cane toads) were kept out – occasionally a spider dared enter – but mostly, when the four of us are eating at the dining table, I felt complete.

2020, you were difficult to like.

All day:

“I’m hungry.”

“What can I eat?”

“I only do gluten free.”

“I’m lactose intolerant.”

“I need chocolate.”

“Can I have something to eat?”

“I want something warm—we’re not eating cold/sandwiches.”

“What’s for lunch?”

“What’s for dinner?”

“I am so bored, what’s in the fridge?”

“There’s nothing to eat!”

“There’s nothing in the fridge!!!!”

All day. Everyday. Three people, excluding me.

2020, you were the year the dishwasher ran at least twice a day.

2020, you were the Year of the Rat Netflix. 

(Call me a bad parent. Call me a bad language teacher. But I think there is merit to little children watching good kids’ TV. Both my daughters have wide vocabularies—neither I nor my husband know anything about the types of unicorns that exist. They have learned to speak from Dora, Peppa Pig, Sarah & Duck, The Wiggles, Bob the Builder etc. My youngest, 6, learned a lot of Dutch from Ruby Regenboog. My oldest, 14, learned all about vampires, boyfriends and a healthy sex life from Netfix.)

2020, you suck.

But … this year, the 14 year old has learned to cook her lunches—fried rice. From scratch. She’s even been trained to wash up after herself in the kitchen.

2020, you were tough.

But … this year, the 14 year old has come to appreciate that her parents do actually know about life and relationships. Prior to COVID19, the 14 year old considered us to be irrelevant in all that is current. She even learnt that her parents had been amongst the pioneers to use hip acronyms like BRB and BBL and TTYL nearly 2.5 decades ago.

This year, the 14 year old has had more heart to heart chats with me about her friends, her heart, her studies, her teachers, her clothes, her nails… than since she was 8.

2020, you drove us stir-crazy.

But … this year, my family and I have learned to be relatively content to be around each other 2/47.

This is … a feat. Our family are historically cave-people. We like our solitude. In Australia, we were in our rambling house had with many, many corners where we could to isolate ourselves from each other. Now, we are in close quarters. 

We have learned to truly appreciate …headphones!

Picture this: The 7 year old is watching some child’s program on repeat on Netflix, I am learning how to watercolour via Youtube, my husband is having a conference call, and my older daughter is listening to the latest whatever-group. All in the same room.

2020, this is the year bloody CookieSwirlC drove us mental with her high-pitched voice and a billion toys that instantly made my 6 year old’s blood boil with envy.

2020 has seen me drink 200000 cups of home made tea. Our favourite cafes sit silent, fairy-lights twinkling sadly and chairs on tables. Ghost-villages courtesy of COVID19.

2020 has brought the postal and delivery staff nationwide to its knees, as we learn to tame the crazy at home with online purchases. Behold the toy that acts, walks and demands like a real puppy and its postal van companion and the polyester-blend scarf that doubles as a t-shirt and evening wear. I recall looking at wonder at the video selling the rolling pin with special cutouts of little children playing in the grass, for those special cookies I would no doubt make, as featured in the video. Now it is languishing away in the drawer, narry a use.

2020 has seen the recycling plants worldwide go into overdrive, rushing to meet the needs of a world that has gone online-order postal. Our local paper recycling bins are always full to overflow.

2020 has seen nature given a chance to recover, to heal and gain traction over human greed.

2020 has seen the demise of so many small businesses—and equally, the rise of new small businesses specially catering to COVID19-wrought situations.

2020 has seen the demise of so many relationships. Sure, this is an ebb-and-flow phenomenon today, but the enforced close-quarters scenario has not been beneficial for everyone.

But this has been the year that I’ve come to appreciate that my home truly is a haven for us and our loved ones. We have laughed more than ever this year. We have cried more than ever this year. We have bickered. We have hugged. We have cuddled. We have had long “leave me alone” baths. We have had vacuum-cleaner-complaints. We have had laundry exhaustion. We have enjoyed cooking and baking together.

In finally leaving 2020, I cannot help but look back and see the relationships in my little family tighten. A few new friendships built here, over the 2.5 years we have been in the Netherlands, have strengthened—even forged in fire and brimstone. I also have a new appreciation for walking and walking, just to get away from the mundanity of life.

I realise that this isn’t the case for soooo many families who are going through some genuinely difficult times with relationships, children, mental and physical health issues. I realise that my complaints are largely external and so many here in Amsterdam and beyond are having internal situations that are way more painful, more traumatic and serious. I don’t discount that—and if you knew me personally, you’d know how much it breaks my heart. This year hasn’t been easy for me or my close, loved ones in a few ways, but I’ve chosen to keep this article… more flippant than in real life. I pray the coming year for you brings some relief, and some rest.

2021, I regard you with a fair amount of trepidation.

2021, don’t be 2020.

Please. Aim higher, 2021. Kick COVID19 in its butt!

The post 2020: The Year of Living … Domestically appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Searching on the Internet how to help neighbours during the pandemic, I stumbled on the Burennetwerk. Founded in 2012, this non-profit organisation aims to connect people with neighbours in need of help, such as taking them on walks around the block, keeping company, or helping with grocery shopping. 

I signed up for walks and within a few weeks, was matched with an elderly lady only 10 minutes away by bike from me. We made an appointment to meet and on the day of our first meeting, per the instructions from Burennetwerk, I waited for her outside, wearing a mask and keeping my distance… but I was invited to come inside and sit down for a chat! Mrs B, an energetic and strong-willed elderly lady from Bonnaire, was keen to get to know me. It only took a few minutes for us to understand each other, despite my mask and French accent and her Bonnaire tinged Dutch accent. She was visibly delighted to have company. 

“There are so many old people who are alone in the Netherlands… Life is hard and evenings are so lonely!”, she sighs. 

This remarkable woman came to the Netherlands 30 years ago with her husband, following their 6 sons, who were already studying here. She worked as a cleaner and really liked her job. Tragedy has hit her life multiple times: losing a son to cancer and then later her husband to a disease (both of their portraits are in the living room, close to her television, which she watches all day long). She was living in the Bijlmer in 1992 and witnessed the Netherlands’ worst air disaster there  – the crash of a Boeing 747 into an apartment building that killed 43 people. Traumatised by what she saw, Mrs. B was relocated by the Municipality of Amsterdam to her present home. Although she feels well looked after in the Netherlands, the older she gets, and especially since the coronavirus pandemic, the lonelier she feels. “There are so many old people who are alone in the Netherlands…. Life is hard and evenings are so lonely!”, she sighs. 

Her sons try to come during weekends, however they all have families and live far away. She is on a waiting list to move to an elderly home, in the hope of having more company. “Please pray for me that I get a place, in the name of Jesus!”, she says while looking at her ceiling, in search of a divine intervention.

I walked with her for a few weeks. Then she fell in her shower and can’t go outside anymore and has a difficult time pushing her walker. Most of the time, she doesn’t feel like eating. She feels too lonely. I’ve brought some cookies and try to cheer her up. Next week, we’ll try to walk again. And a few weeks later, we’ll try to cross the road to the Aldi and get chocolates together. She likes that idea. It makes her smile. 

If you are interested in volunteering to help out people in your neighbourhood in some way, please contact the Burrennetwerk. Volunteers can specify in their profile how far they want to travel and in which language they want to help. For social help, it’s easier if one can speak a few Dutch words. For practical help, English is totally fine.

Collective Loneliness : The Disaster of the 21st century?

Fresh from her experience with Mrs. B, Annick Noirfalisse participated in an online Brainwash festival, “Collective Loneliness”  to learn about loneliness in modern society and ways to combat it.

We are continuously connected to each other, yet we are lonelier than ever. Why is that so? 

According to Paul Verhaeghe, psychologist and Professor at the University of Ghent in Belgium, interviewed during the online Brainwash festival on “Collective Loneliness” in Amsterdam, loneliness has arisen from the way our society is organised, as well as increased social distrust. 

 “[Our competitive] system makes us sick. And that’s not an ideological argument, it’s evolutionary biology.” ~ Professor Paul Verhaeghe

“Competition with others begins at school, with the culture of tests and performance. Kids in Belgium and in the Netherlands are tested very early on, on their capacities and talents.  That’s how the rat race is installed.” 

Professor Verhaeghe reminds us we are social animals and we live in groups, “…[Our competitive] system makes us sick. And that’s not an ideological argument, it’s evolutionary biology”. 

Competition also can create  an unhealthy relationship with our bodies. “Our bodies have to be perfect; we have to be young and sexy. It’s not a good intimate relationship; it’s a competitive relationship. We always have to do better. It’s never good enough.” 

The psychologist faults how we use social media for our collective loneliness, and not only social media itself.  He also points out that we are in a historical transition, as evidenced by the breakdown of the nuclear family. We are in a gradual transition towards new forms of coexistence and as of now there are no clear answers. This also contributes to loneliness.

“Now, when people reach out to me for therapy, they openly say “I feel lonely” and that, for me, is a win. As long as we are not in denial, things will start feeling better soon.” ~ Vassia Sarantopoulou

So what can one do to fight loneliness? Here are a few tips:

1. Get to know your body. Listen to it, be kind towards it, and enjoy it. “If you feel good about yourself, it will be easier to make the step towards others and build relationships. The risk of solitude will then be a bit less” says Professor Verhaeghe. 

2. Join a helpful social project with a few people at the local level, to regain a sense of purpose. Volunteering can start as locally as…with your next-door neighbour. “A big problem is that people are not seen by their neighbours”, says Jasmijn van Katwijk, Communications Manager of Burennetwerk. 

3. Give it time. advises Vassia Sarantopoulou, head psychologist and founder of AntiLoneliness. No acquaintance becomes a friend within a day. “We all come from relationships where we have been hurt and rejected, so we all need some time in order to trust again. Be creative – think out of the box. Everything is possible. We just need to stop the negative, demotivating, self-sabotaging thoughts that get in the way.”

4. Normalise loneliness. “It’s a normal feeling”, says Vassia. It’s meant to be felt by us, human beings, and it signals the absence of something important: connection. The feeling of loneliness bears a healthy message: we need to bring connection back to our lives. 

5. Recognise the negative thinking behind loneliness and reverse it. “One should understand that thoughts such as ‘Nobody likes me’, ‘I am not important’, etc., will lead to more isolation, and we need to question and dispute these thoughts. A therapist may help a lot with this”, Vassia says. Sometimes people are ashamed of loneliness. This stigma has been changing recently as it affects everyone: teenagers, young adults, single parents, divorcees, grieving people, expats…Loneliness is everywhere. “Now, when people reach out to me for therapy, they openly say “I feel lonely” and that, for me, is a win. As long as we are not in denial, things will start feeling better soon.” 

The post Healing Loneliness in a Pandemic appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

The kids have started the countdown to Christmas. More and more decorations can be seen in the street. Now is the time to decorate your house front to feel welcome and cosy every time you come home… and make sure that Sinterklaas will find his way to you!

Here are some simple ideas to brighten the dark days and add a smile to you, your family, and everyone passing by your home!

1) Frame Your Window Front with a Christmas Garland

A decorated garland with lights is definitely an eyecatcher and will make your kids happy, every time they come home. The safest and most durable way to do this, is to install weather-resistant yet very discreet wire. Such a simple structure will allow you to fix seasonal decoration and serve a climbing support for roses or other climbing plants.

Natural pine branches do look very nice … in the beginning, but are expensive and will lose their needles fairly quickly. Christmas garlands in artificial pine can be re-used every year and can be bought in various lengths and varieties in most garden centres like Tuincentrum Osdorp, Het Oosten in Aalsmeer or any Praxis or Gamma.

LED garlands for outdoors in any length and colours can be found at garden centres or Action for example. Their cable is so thin that you can connect it through the window on an indoor plug.

You can let your imagination and creativity run wild when decorating the garland. Just be careful if using any glass items; the wind can break them.

2) Decorate a Wreath with Your Kids and Attach It to Your Front Door

This time of year you will find nice evergreen or pine cone at your local florist or at the market that you can decorate together with your kids. On Albert Cuyp market at “Jan De Grote Kleinvakman” you will find ribbons in all varieties and colours with which to decorate your wreath or attach it to your front door, or to hang in your windows or balcony.

3) Transform your Front Door into a Giant Present:

Tie a bow around your front door. You can use a very large ribbon, but even better is to buy some inexpensive fabric (for example party fabric or tulle). There are many fabric shops on Albert Cuyp market, one of our favourite places is N&N Stoffen. Bring the kids, choose your fabric, and grab an oliebol to get you in the holiday spirit!

4) Place a Welcoming Planted Pot Next to Your Entrance

It is always nice to have some flowers in your entrance. Ideal are pots of approx. 50-80 cm high. An easy way to have beautiful plants is to fill the pot with hydrokorrels and plant seasonal flowers or green plants, and perhaps even a small Christmas tree? Why not?

5) Install Planted Window Boxes with Seasonal Easy Care Flowers

For a long lasting welcoming house front, it is always nice to have beautiful flowers and plants in your windows.

Windows boxes can look untidy and not in harmony with the architecture of your house. That is why we recommend installing a fitted weather-resistant wooden plank. They need to be painted in the official Amsterdam colours (Amsterdam white or Amsterdam green).  Perfectly integrated into your façade, they allow you to be totally flexible and change the plants and flowers in your window in every season or whenever you fancy.

Which plants are beautiful at the moment?

• Skimmia: the absolute die-hard and available in all sizes. This evergreen plant typically has white or red flowers, some have nice red berries.
• Cyclamen: exist in beautiful colours from white over red to pink. Tolerate shadow very well, do not like to have wet feet.
• Hellbore: several varieties with white flowers, some special varieties with pink to dark red flowers. Flourishing all winter, give more flowers when you pick out the fainted flowers. While they like humid grounds, they do not like to stand in the water.
• Primroses and pansies add happy colours to your garden, even in winter, but prefer a sunny place.
• Decorative green plants in various shades: hebe, helichrysum, small conifers…

The post 5 Ways to Make Your Home Merry and Bright This Holiday Season appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

A Letter from Emmy McCarthy to the Amsterdam Mamas Community

Coronavirus Resources and Information

Strategies for Managing Stress in Your Relationships During Lockdown

Tips for Managing Anger During Lockdown

Financial Aid for Your Business During Coronavirus

Helping Your Children Cope with the Challenges of Lockdown

Long Covid: What Is it? Where Can I Get Support?

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Departures

Despite a traumatic departure from Johannesburg South Africa –  think long wait at an empty airport, wearing face masks on a packed KLM flight for 11 hours, and navigating 18 pieces of luggage –  we arrived in Amsterdam, our new home, elated and relieved.

We had been planning our emigration for eight months, and could never have imagined that our process would be delayed because of a global pandemic. There was an extra layer of complications on an already complicated process: because the deeds office was closed our house sale transfer was delayed, and getting flights out of ‘Joburg’ was really difficult.

On the personal side, there were no farewell parties or tearful family sendoffs at the airport. Rather, there were tearful Zoom goodbyes, and the sad realization that the last time we’d been with our close family and friends back in March, just before the lockdown, would be the last time for a long time.

Arrivals

While our settling-in process since touchdown has been relatively smooth (and exciting!), I imagine settling in would have been a lot different in non-pandemic times. For starters, we couldn’t register at the Gemeente immediately as they wanted us to self-isolate from them for two weeks. So for two weeks, we were in a little bit of limbo, waiting for our BSN numbers, waiting to tick off all the other bureaucratic boxes.

Unlike our expeditionary visit in January, when we freely hopped from one museum to the next, without worrying about getting in, or getting close to someone in order to see that Van Gogh portrait better, now we had to pre-plan, and book time slots in advance. Not always easy with a toddler who wants to go for ice cream or take a nap at the exact time you’ve booked your museum visit! 

On one of our first weekends in the city, we headed to Nemo Museum with two excited kids, and we were politely turned away because we hadn’t booked in advance. And so a lesson was learnt, several ice creams purchased, and a boat ride taken to ease ‘The Nemo Disappointment’!

Settling In

Another thing that we’ve felt is the difficulty of meeting people and having any social engagements. I have a few South African friends in Amsterdam, and others I’ve met online and through my kids’ school, but we haven’t socialized much because we’re all a little Covid cautious. I often wonder how we would have socially integrated in “normal” times – would we be invited places? Would I be making more of an effort with my online connections?

And cultural holidays also raised questions. We celebrated Rosh Hashana (the Jewish New Year) alone this past September. In normal times would people in the Amsterdam Jewish community be inviting us to celebrate holidays with them?

One of the harder Covid rules has been not being allowed to walk our kids into their classrooms, as is the normal custom here. I watched on the first day of school as my 10-year-old walked into the building, to make his own way to his classroom and his peers, without being able to speak a word of Dutch. Fortunately he had been given a tour of the school a few days before starting so he knew which classroom to go to. However, it tore me apart not being able to see him off properly, and I had a good cry once I’d said goodbye and watched him walk through the gate. (Note to self: always wear waterproof mascara at the start of every school year!).

It was a similar situation with my toddler, though for her grade, parents are able to drop their kids off at a side door, where they’re greeted by a teacher, who then directs them down the corridor to the classroom. Only one parent is allowed to drop off, and it’s a heartbreaking scene watching a little child with a too-big-for-her-backpack walk down a long corridor, to meet her new teacher and setup for the next year.

We always knew that emigrating would have hurdles and some tough moments, and that Covid would add some challenging elements. However, it hasn’t changed how happy we are to be here, nor what a great quality of life we have.

Photo Credits: In text Image from Tanya Kovarsky

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It’s tough. Most of us are not used to spending so much time with our loved ones. The Coronavirus is forcing us to be with our partners (and children) 24/7 and this is quite an adjustment for most. Not only are we dealing with anxiety about the state of our world and our health, but we are also working and schooling at home and not socializing outside of the home.

I therefore wanted to share a couple of tips to help you deal with this new situation, so that you come out of this crisis with your relationship intact; and dare I say, stronger. See if you can implement some of these suggestions into your life. They may seem difficult at first, but taking baby steps, or getting back on the horse after you have fallen off, is better than not trying at all. 

TIP 1: Schedule a relationship meeting

Start by having a Corona-crisis relationship meeting. This meeting will help get you on the same page and set realistic expectations for the weeks to come. During this screen-free meeting, the two of you can go over the following agenda items (and add any other important topics that you wish to):

1. Have a heart-to-heart conversation about how it feels to be in this situation. Really give each other space to explore your worries and other feelings that have come up so far.
2. Acknowledge that spending so much time together during such a stressful time affects your relationship profoundly.
3. Make a pact to be extra gentle with each other, extra forgiving towards each other, and that you as a team can handle anything that will come your way.
4. Agree on at least one time in the day that each of you gets at least 15 minutes of alone time to do whatever you want. Share some things that will help you relax during your alone time, so you have some ideas when that time comes.
5. Talk about and agree on how the labour in the home is divided. It has to feel fair to both of you. Write down all the things that need to be done throughout the day, and decide who does what. Be as flexible as you can, and remember the list is not set in stone and can be adjusted at any time (if you both agree on it).

TIP 2: Practice stress-reducing conversations

As the days go by, you will both be dealing with feelings of stress and worry. That’s why it will be important to have daily check-ins where you have stress-reducing conversations, an exercise developed by psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman.

A good time to do this exercise is when your kids are asleep, or during dinner, if you don’t have children. It can last anywhere between 5-30 minutes, depending on what’s needed that day. This is not a time to discuss relationship issues, but a time to take turns venting your stress about work, the kids’ schooling, the virus, elderly family members, etc. To have a good, stress-reducing conversation, follow these rules:

DO:

• Be curious, listen, ask questions
• Show empathy and understanding
• Take your partner’s side

DO NOT:

• Give each other advice or try to fix your partner’s problem, unless it’s asked for
• Dismiss or belittle your partner’s feelings
• Start talking about your own stress while your partner is sharing theirs. Await your turn.

TIP 3: Avoid the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

There are bound to be more conflicts than usual, since you are spending more time together and there’s a lot of added tension because of the situation. To keep conflicts from getting out of hand, avoid using the following four ways of communicating, the so-called Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. In his research, Dr. John Gottman found that the use of these Horsemen was extremely destructive for relationships.

1. Criticism: when you blame your partner for the problem. This includes statements like: “you always/never” and in general convey that there is something wrong with the other. To avoid criticism: say how you feel (e.g. upset, angry, worried, disappointed, etc.) and what it is that you need (e.g. I need you to clean up the kitchen).
2. Defensiveness: when you deny any wrongdoing, act like an innocent victim or dish out countercriticism. To avoid defensiveness: see if you can take just a little bit of responsibility for the existing problem. For instance, “Yes, I did indeed forget to do the dishes.”
3. Contempt: when you insult, belittle or verbally abuse your partner. To avoid contempt: describe your own emotions and needs. Think about what you do appreciate about your partner.
4. Stonewalling: when you shut down and don’t respond anymore. To avoid stonewalling: if you need a break, tell your partner you need to pause the conversation and agree to resume it when you are both feeling calmer. Do not give each other the silent treatment.

TIP 4: Express your appreciation

Every day, make sure to show your partner you appreciate them by thanking them for their efforts, complimenting them on what’s going well and offering massages or other physical affection as a way to relax. Anytime you notice your partner (or anyone else in your household) doing something you like, let them know. It is incredibly important to feel valued. The only way to really feel it, is when it’s expressed to you. Words of appreciation and affection go a long way, and we need it now more than ever. 

TIP 5: Don’t forget to have fun

Designate time together where you are doing something fun (like watching a movie or playing a game). Try to keep the Corona topic off-limits. If you cannot resist talking about it, consider dreaming about what you will do once this crisis has passed. What do you want your life to look like, where would you like to travel, or how has your perspective on life changed?

Finally, I want to add that the current situation is going to be a struggle for anyone and any couple all over the world. You are not alone; we are all going through this together. If you find that your relationship is starting to suffer, you can always reach out to a couples therapist. All therapists I know have switched to using video conferencing to continue to support their clients during this crisis, and we all want everyone to come out of this strong.

The post Your Relationship Under Coronavirus appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

I have been getting lots of questions from parents and caregivers about how to help kids handle online schooling, social distancing, and exam and event cancellations. Based on my conversations with kids and parents around the globe, I have put together some top tips (and a very simple way to remember them). Recall that old Aretha Franklin song? When it comes to COVID-19 and young people, let’s give a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Routines – maintain them!

Expectations – lower them!

Strengths – build them!

Positive Behavior – model it!

Engagement – encourage it!

Cheers – give them! 

Technology – embrace it!

Routines

Maintaining a routine can give kids a sense of stability. In our house, we made schedules with our pre-teens, which include online school hours, set mealtimes, exercise, small chores and free time. We have had our share of eye rolls and drama, but it does provide a framework for the day. For teens, consider their need for independence and creating their own path for learning, but also encourage them to get physical activity and break large assignments into smaller ones.

Expectations

You may not be getting as much work done with kids at home (especially young ones). Your child or teen will not be working at the same pace or intensity as a regular school day. They may also have to deal with cancellations in standardized exams or other scheduled activities, such as athletic competitions and birthday parties – all very frustrating experiences. So, now is the time to stress a little less over homework assignments and piano practices. Remember everyone is in a similar situation. Ultimately, we need to prioritize our kids’ wellbeing. Consider this every day.

Strengths

Every kid has natural interests, whether it is music, arts or writing. Building on their strengths, helps kids develop resilience to handle challenges. One of my 10-year old son’s friends is a budding illustrator and spends time each day drawing elaborate cartoon strips. Another of my sons’ friends created wonderful videos using i-stop motion. Finally, how many of you have heard the phrase “I’m bored” at home recently? Remember encouraging a little non- digital boredom is a great way to promote creativity and self-sufficiency.

Positive Behaviors

Kids learn from adults, also how to react to new challenges. We need to model positive ways to stay healthy and handle uncertainty, including exercising regularly, eating healthy foods to boost immunity, staying connected with loved ones and being kind to others regardless of their background or appearance. Think of ways to give back to your community and provide outreach: for example, helping a neighbor that is elderly, donating items to a food bank or buying gift certificates to support a local business.

Engagement

Remind children and teens that they have the responsibility to protect themselves and others like their grandparents and elderly neighbors by practicing proper hand washing, sneezing into your elbow and maintaining social distancing. Even infected kids who do not show any symptoms can still transmit the virus to others. (There have also been cases of teens getting very ill which means they themselves are at risk too). Talk to kids about the risks of meeting friends to hang out. Ultimately our obligation as parents and caregivers is to teach social behavior and to keep our teens and our community healthy.

Cheers

All too often we focus on what our kids are doing wrong. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, we need to make sure we uphold kids and praise them when they do things right. If your child picks up their dirty laundry, writes a funny poem or did something else positive this week, don’t forget to give them credit. Older kids including soon to be graduates may be sad about missing graduations and friends. Encourage them to come up with new milestones and ways to celebrate. Also, remind them it is handling life’s curveballs that is ultimately the best predictor of success.

Technology

Regular use of technology has shown in places like Hong Kong to be beneficial in maintaining social connections and emotional well-being, so don’t be too strict on digital media use. Encourage kids to keep in touch with classmates, friends, and family via WhatsApp, Facetime, Skype, etc. Worried that they are watching too many Disney movies or playing too much Minecraft? Remember that ultimately it is the 3c’s – connections, content, and child – that are important for kids rather than the amount of time online. In other words, check the content they are viewing, ensure that still have good connections with family members and friends and know your own child’s abilities when it comes to disengaging from digital media use and creating balance.

Finally, what we know from countries which have experienced coronavirus earlier and longer than others is that things will not normalize for months to come. We are slowly preparing for a new normal in terms of social relationships, technology use, and online schooling. If kids are frustrated, angry, or anxious realize it is important to validate their feelings as a natural part of a grieving process. However, if there are significant changes in eating or sleeping habits, persistent irritability or sadness, or the need for constant reassurance, these may be signs that your child is struggling and needs support. Try talking to your child or teen about their fears or get another adult or mentor involved. If that don’t help, it may be time to reach out to your health provider or a counselor. Many are now providing virtual consults. Hopefully, with a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, we can help our kids prepare for what’s still to come.

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