Giving Birth in the Netherlands   

This is our overview to the systems here in the Netherlands. It’s a great place to start your research into this brand new world.

Maternity Wear   

When baby starts to grow, the skinny jeans have got to go! Here are the community’s go-to maternity wear stores.

Staying Fit   

We share our favourite prenatal exercise classes.

Birth Stories  

Where you are going, thousands of Amsterdam Mamas have gone before. Read about their experiences here.

Preparing for Childbirth  

Amsterdam offers many wonderful birth preparation classes. Here are some of our favourites.

Hypnobirthing  

Are you curious about how hypnobirthing could help you during labour? We answer the most common questions on this topic. We also have information about hypnobirthing and yoga here. 

Doulas 

Are you thinking about employing a birth doula? We explain what a doula does and where you can find one. We also have a list of recommended doulas and one Mama’s account of how a doula helped her as a single parent.

Miscarriage

Here you can find more information about miscarriage and where to get help. To read about the experience of other Amsterdam Mamas, click here and here.

Kraamzorg (Postnatal Care)   

Learn about how to register for this wonderful service and what to expect.

The post Pregnancy in the Netherlands: A Round-Up of Resources appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Intercontinental at Amstel Hotel

Professor Tulpplein 1

In partnership with Eliete Costa from Ateliete, this luxurious hotel offers seven different rooms to accommodate your party, whatever its size. Their elegant décor, combined with the exquisite work of their event organizer, ensures you an unforgettable celebration.

Tassen Museum

Herengracht 573

These special rooms at Amsterdam’s popular museum of bags and purses are open daily from 11:30–17:00.

Book in advance.

As if playing out an historical period drama with Handel’s Sarabande serenading in the background, this magnificent 17th-century canal house will transport you to the heart of the Dutch Golden Age. Equipped with two period rooms and a sumptuous yet intimate display of artefacts, here you can enjoy one of the best high-tea events in Amsterdam. Definitely a unique location to celebrate.

The College Hotel

Roelof Hartstraat 1

Located in Amsterdam Zuid, this stylish 19th-century hotel offers a variety of different hosting opportunities: from small gatherings in a former school headmaster’s office (Van Baerle salon) to lovely al fresco luncheons atop their terrace.

Cafe Vrijdag

Amsteldijk 137

Open daily.

A lively café with a separate room where you can celebrate your baby shower, and friendly prices to boot.

My Private Party

Weissenbruchstraat 8

This business is run by two sisters in a location near Vondelpark. With a cosy living-room space, they provide custom-made parties in accordance with your wishes.

Buurtkamer at Costa & Co.

Da Costaplein 12

If you happen to live around Da Costabuurt you can rent this facility-packed location for a fee of €20 per hour, plus a €50 deposit. On their website you will find easy-to-follow steps and conditions for rental of the buurtkamer.

020Studio

Rietwijkerstraat 27

Open from Monday to Saturday.

Not far from Hoofddorpplein, this is a cosy meeting room with access to a patio area that can be rented out for small gatherings of up to 16 people. The location has a fully equipped kitchen and bathroom available for use.

GK Moments

And last but not least, if you decide to throw a baby shower at home (or any other location of your choice) GK Moments is your place of contact. The mastermind behind GK Moments is the lovely fellow Amsterdam Mama, Gé Koot. With her easy approach and amazing attention to detail, Gé will make sure that you pull a fabulous stress-free party, where all that remains for you to do is come up with the guest list.

This article has been compiled from the recommendations of our members on the Amsterdam Mamas Facebook group and does not reflect the views or opinions of Stichting Amsterdam Mamas. The information is current as of the date of publication.

The post The Mamas Recommend: Baby Shower Venues in Amsterdam appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Finding a good nursing bra can be challenging. Pregnant mamas never know ahead of time how big their breasts will become after childbirth. First-time mamas need to investigate different kinds of nursing bra openings and fabrics to get comfortable with the whole process. Experienced mamas don’t always find the same bras work the next time around. We have compiled a list of physical and online stores that sell nursing bras to fit even the bigger-breasted women among us, and that vary in style, from practical to romantic to downright sexy!

Please note: we have attempted to include accurate return policies, especially in regard to online shopping, but it is always important to double check before buying so you are not surprised.

Physical Stores

Ruimschoots

AJ Ernststraat 60, on the border with Amstelveen

Ruimschoots carries discreet fashionable nursing clothing as well as sporty and sexy nursing bras. Many bras have matching panties if you like sets. Cup sizes up to E and F. Ruimschoots also carries a wide range of pregnancy clothes – even wedding dresses! They have online shopping as well.

Free shipping over 35€, no free shipping return, returns/exchanges in-store

Betty’s Boops

Ceintuurbaan 73, near the Albert Cuyp Markt

Betty’s Boops is recommended by a lot of mamas for bras in general. From the smallest to the largest cup sizes, you can find them all here! They pride themselves on their personalized fittings. They don’t have a wide selection of models, but their choice of sizes is probably better than anywhere else, and they go up to an HH cup. Online shopping available only if you have been measured in the store first.

Prénatal

Various locations throughout the Netherlands, two in Amsterdam, and online

Amsterdam City Store, Osdorpplein 771

Amsterdam-Zuidoost megastore, Arena Boulevard 55

Prénatal also covers postnatal wear and has a line of wrapover t-shirts and dresses, specially designed for discreet feeding in public. The clothing is comfortable and they have a selection of nursing bras that go up to size 85E

Free shipping, free exchange or return in store

H&M

Various locations and online

In addition to its established wide range of pregnancy wear, H&M are now expanding their nursing clothing and bra offerings. They mostly have smaller, sportier-type nursing bras, but some styles go up to size 85E.

Free shipping and free exchange and return for H&M club members or in-store

Noppies

Nassaukade 356, near the Kinkerstraat

A small selection of lovely, small-size nursing bras up to E/F cup, and fashionable nursing clothing. 

Free shipping over 20€, no free shipping return, free exchange or return in-store

Shopping Online and Returns

If you buy goods online in the Netherlands (or indeed anywhere in the EU) you have the right to return your order within 14 days for any reason and with no justification. You will need to notify the supplier, usually via a special form downloaded from their website. In the event of a return, companies are not obliged to cover shipping costs. Obviously, goods must be returned undamaged and with their original tags attached. In the case of nursing bras, we caution you to be particularly careful: think of trying on a new bra over one you already own, or using nursing pads to avoid staining. 

Online-Only Stores

Belly Fashion

Wide range of practical, casual nursing bras and other pregnancy clothes up to cup size H.

Free shipping and free shipping on returns

Bon Prix

A wide range of nursing bras available up to cup size F, and 48-hour delivery service. Also a large selection of pregnancy clothes and coats for carrying your baby in a sling, etc.

No free shipping, no free shipping return, 48-hour delivery

Farfallina

Casual standard and romantic nursing bras also for bigger sizes, up to cup size K.

Specialized in larger sizes.

Free Shipping over 50€, and for nursing bras, it’s a 60-day return, or 15 days after giving birth if you send the birth card along

Ik ben mama

Casual to romantic style nursing bras up to cup size H. And everything for after the pregnancy including baby clothes and accessories.

Free shipping over 45€, no free shipping returns

Mooi en Zwanger

Beautiful and sexy pregnancy and nursing bras even in the largest sizes, all the way up to cup size M. Their aim is to make you feel pretty during your pregnancy and after.

Free shipping, no free shipping returns

Op en top zwanger

Beautiful to sexy lingerie-style nursing bras up to cup size G. They offer a live chat to help you make the right decisions.

Free shipping, no free shipping returns.

Special Pumping bras

Borstkolf Winkel

Normal, practical hands-free pumping bras to sexy, leopard-print bras also designed for pumping.

This whole website is dedicated to everything breastmilk!

Free shipping over 45€, free returns.

Lana Huf-Germain is a born and bred Amsterdammer. She understands the difficulties faced by expat families with no grasp of the language or history, and the extra problems this brings to raising a family in Amsterdam. She started www.amsterdamfamilyassistance.com to help new expat families overcome these barriers and make them feel at home.

The post Nursing Bras and Where to Find Them appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

A Scan

“There’s the heartbeat. Head. Two arms … and legs. Baby looks perfect,” the Echo lady exclaims enthusiastically. Gripping each other’s hands tightly, my husband and I let out a huge sigh of relief. But we’re not out of the woods yet and past experience has taught us not to get our hopes up too soon.

Two weeks later and we’re back there again for the Combinatie Test. We are mesmerised by the image on screen and all looks well to our untrained eyes. But suddenly the same Echo lady says something that jerks us out of our reverie. “I’m getting a very high measurement for the liquid behind the neck. It’s more than double the usual width of 2mm.” She double-checks, does some calculations, and then drops the bombshell: “I’m afraid you have a 1 in 5 chance of having a serious defect such as Down Syndrome.”

I can’t speak for the lump in my throat and am guided to a nearby café by my husband to try and process the news. 1 in 5 chance – the probability is terrifying. We then try to comfort ourselves … 4 in 5 is a much higher chance everything’s OK. Right?

Amniocentesis Test

Because of the high reading, I am referred immediately to have an amniocentesis test at the VU Hospital. I had hoped to have a NIPT blood test, a recent development that gives a 98% accuracy rate. However, 100% is needed in our situation and this invasive test will provide it. Not without its risks though.

At the VU, the large team of medical staff assembled in the room brings home that risk to me. I try to relax as the two gynaecologists explain what’s going to happen. One of them will insert the long thick needle into the placenta, while the other watches on screen to ensure the needle is not endangering the foetus.

I close my eyes as everyone else watches the screen overhead. Because the baby is in an awkward position, they decide the test cannot be done abdominally and must instead be inserted through the birth canal. Thankfully, the local anaesthetic means it’s all done with a minimal level of discomfort. Afterwards, the two experts talk us through next steps in a counselling room. We will receive a phone call in five days with the result.

A World Away from Cheerful Midwife Waiting Rooms

I answer the phone at the specified time and as soon as the lady asks if I have a family member present with me – I know the answer. Our baby has tested positive for Down’s.

I always knew that the risk increases for women at 40 but I hadn’t realised just how much that multiplies at 41, my age. Once again, we were back in the hospital Polikliniek system, a world away from cheerful midwife waiting rooms, and full of couples trying to conceive or deal with difficult pregnancies.

Earlier that year, I had been a regular visitor to the VU due to a missed miscarriage. That’s when the foetus dies but remains in the womb with no obvious sign that anything is wrong. So it was a complete shock when we went to the first echo and discovered we had indeed miscarried. The choice to remove the foetus was either pills or a curettage operation. Had I known that pills would result in months of blood loss and scans showing an incomplete removal, I’d have chosen the curettage instantly. Eventually, I had to have one anyway, a surprisingly quick and easy operation done under complete anaesthetic, that would have avoided the extreme anaemia and low blood pressure I’d developed as a result.

So Many Women Affected by Miscarriage

Miscarriage is rarely talked about openly but as soon as it is, you realise just how many women it affects. It’s like opening the floodgates, with friends and family members all suddenly sharing their own private experiences. There is no way of understanding “why”, just the eventual acceptance that Mother Nature was acting to stop unhealthy chromosomes.

By far the most emotional miscarriage I experienced was my first, six years earlier, when the bleeding started on New Year’s Day. At that point, we had no assurances our path to parenthood would be successful. Thankfully our beautiful daughter was born a year later and at that moment I made a deal with Mother Nature: that if I was meant to have more children then that would be wonderful – but I’d also be eternally grateful for just having the one.  

Sometimes I do wonder why 3 out of my 4 pregnancies failed. A family friend and nurse gave one possible explanation: that some women can only carry one gender, that being typically a girl. It certainly rings true with several friends who have had a daughter – followed by multiple miscarriages – before finally going on to have another girl. But that’s purely anecdotal, of course, as most miscarriages occur in the first 10 weeks before the gender has been determined.

Acting on a Positive Result

This wasn’t the case, however, with our baby who tested positive for Down’s and who turned out to be a boy. After receiving the test result over the phone, we went to a counselling session at the VU to discuss terminating the pregnancy. “People who have the Combinatie Test do so because they want to act on that result,” the expert assured us. “Those that don’t want to terminate, don’t usually do the test.”

A legal “cooling off” period of 5 days followed to ensure we were 100% certain about our decision. However, that took us to 14 weeks and I was horrified to discover at the next counselling session that it was then too late for a curettage. The only option at that stage was to be induced and give birth “naturally”. It felt like a never-ending nightmare.  

Looking back at that day in the VU maternity ward, I am amazed at how smoothly it went. We had our own private room and a wonderful midwife. Although I’d previously had a Dutch, natural birth with my daughter, I readily accepted all painkilling drugs on this occasion, and was quickly floating on a morphine cloud after the pills had been inserted to bring on the contractions.

I had been particularly nervous about how long I would be in hospital and who would look after our daughter if we were away more than one night. But everything happened remarkably quickly. Tucked up in bed watching the lunchtime news, I suddenly felt the baby shoot out when I chuckled at Boris Johnson singing Chumbawamba. Both equally unexpected.

Amazing Hospital Staff

My experience of the VU staff was amazing throughout, especially that day. I’d been adamant that I did not want to see the baby as I’d find it too difficult. So they took my husband to see him and say goodbye. Experts came to check the body and confirmed that the defects were severe, requiring years of surgery for a double cleft lip and other physical disabilities, had the pregnancy gone full term.

The whole experience was incredibly dignified and we were encouraged to think of our baby as a person rather than a 4-month foetus. The midwife even took photos and put them on a USB for me to view at a later stage; something I found extremely bizarre but strangely comforting when I did finally force myself to look on his due date.

Explaining Loss To A Child and Moving On

For me, the grieving process has not been a straightforward one of moving steadily forward. Immediately after, all I felt was relief that the ordeal was over and that we had our daughter.

Counselling sessions with a social worker were good for encouraging us to tell our 4-year old, whom we’d purposefully tried to protect from it all. My fears instantly evaporated when she gave me a big hug and said, “It’s alright Mummy, our baby is playing with Holly the Dog now.” I’m so glad we shared it with her, as the social worker suggested, discussing it openly, as a family, rather than keeping it a secret.

I suffered from acute fear and anxiety for months afterwards (a typical symptom of grief, I’ve since been told). And the feeling of loss was overwhelming five months later, when the due date came in April. Everywhere I looked were beautiful spring babies and happy mothers. I didn’t feel bitter or resentful, just wistful that it could have been me.

In the fullness of time, I’m sure all will be revealed as to why our lives took a different turn. 

In the meantime, talking to other mamas who have been through a similar experience is a huge help. It’s easy to forget when sitting in playgrounds surrounded by happy healthy infants, just how many babies didn’t make it into the world, and the many parents who have struggled through this loss too. I hold my hands out and say be kind to ourselves and to one another.

If you have experienced pregnancy loss and would like to talk about it, Steph Smith can be contacted via the Amsterdam Mamas forum.

The post Coping with Miscarriage and Difficult Decisions: One Mama’s Story appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Chances are that if you are reading this, you, or someone close to you, has been affected by miscarriage. At Amsterdam Mamas, we too have been touched by pregnancy loss – perhaps through loved ones, perhaps through personal experience. This is why we have wanted for some time now to provide our community with a guide to miscarriage support resources. Some of the resources are specific to Amsterdam, some are specific to The Netherlands (and are in Dutch), and some are international or online organisations or support resources.

This article does not explore or offer resources for fertility or stillbirth – these equally important topics will be covered separately at a future date. Also, for the purposes of this piece, we have defined miscarriage as a pregnancy that ends before the 24th week. We hope that the resources gathered here will be of service. You are warmly encouraged to post anything you feel safe sharing in the main Amsterdam Mamas group. Miscarriage is painful and sad, but it is not taboo or stigmatised, and many people find sharing their feelings and experiences helpful. We wish you well as you walk the path towards healing after your loss.

Miscarriage – Why? What Do I Do?  

Unfortunately, one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage. The cause of a miscarriage often remains unknown, but if it occurs during the first trimester it is generally believed to be a result of problems with the foetus, such as a chromosomal abnormality. This is unlikely to occur again, and does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the parents’ chromosomes.

When a miscarriage happens during the second trimester (between weeks 14 and 26), it is thought to be the result of an infection, a long-term health problem in the mother, food poisoning, or a problem with the womb or the cervix. Unfortunately, sometimes these problems can become recurrent. Should a woman experience recurrent miscarriages (three or more in a row), then she will probably be referred to a specialist for relevant investigations. About 1 in 100 women experience recurrent miscarriages, and happily more than 60% of these women go on to have a successful pregnancy.

Here in the Netherlands, the common clinical guidance for miscarriage is to allow the body to resolve the end of the pregnancy itself. The body usually knows exactly what to do, and the longer term healing outcomes (after a naturally occurring miscarriage) are better than those following a Dilation and Curettage (D&C). During the process, the body and mind may well need an extra bit of support either through some bodywork such as massage, acupressure or acupuncture, or perhaps through coaching and/or emotional release. If, even after a little time or bodywork, the body doesn’t release the pregnancy some extra clinical support may be necessary – one option may be pharmaceutical support, another may be a Dilation and Curettage.

Clinical Care/Hospitals

If you need help in the daytime, firstly seek advice and guidance from your verloskundige (midwife) or huisarts (general practitioner), either of whom may refer you directly to the gynaecology department at the nearest hospital, or the hospital supervising your pregnancy. If you need attention during out-of-office hours, you will need to call, and then visit the Huisartsenpost (out-of-hours general practioner service).

All hospitals in Amsterdam are able to treat to you if you think you are having a miscarriage or associated issues, and feel that you need urgent medical assistance (if your symptoms include extreme pain, and/or severe blood loss, or you are unable to contact your verloskundige or huisarts). 

OLVG Oost

OLVG West

VUMC

AMC

Boven t’Ij

Amstelland

Online Resources

In English:

stillbirthday

ihadamiscarriage

Expat Miscarriage Support Group NL

Sands (this group also covers stillbirth support)

In Dutch:

Miskraam Mama’s 

Miskraam Mama’s FB

Freya (this group also covers fertility issues)

In Person Support and Consultation

Gloria de Gast, An Arvigo Therapist  (Gloria may refer you to another locally based Arivgo practioner)

Acupuncturists

Martine Cornelissen: Acupuncturist /Traditional Chinese Medicine Practitioner

Corinne Laan: Acupuncturist/Traditional Chinese Medicine Practioner/Childbirth Educator –- Corinne also founded “Sacred Loss’” as part of the “Sacred Living” movement and offers private sessions to process the grief and healing after a miscarriage

Doulas Who Offer Miscarriage Support

Joyce Hoek Pula: Doula and Massage Therapist  

Ilena J Standring: Doula & Coach

The post Miscarriage Support in the Netherlands appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

An estimated 15 million babies are born too early every year; that’s more than 1 in 10 babies. This can happen due to a variety of physical problems such as preeclampsia, Hellp syndrome, or a problem with the placenta, but it can also happen for no known reason.

What happens in the Netherlands when babies are born prematurely?

Your child will be taken to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). This is a highly sterile environment where specially-trained nurses will care for your baby.

Parents will be advised to start Kangaroo Care (holding the baby on your bare chest) immediately. This seems scary and confusing due to the baby’s small size and possibly the tubes and electrical wires are attached to them, but it relaxes the parents during a time of stress and fear, and soothes the child.

For as long as your baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit, this is how you will spend your days, as well as holding them, staring at them in the incubator, singing to them, and meantime trying to express milk. It is always possible to express milk next to the incubator because breast milk is golden at this time. Most hospitals use donor milk until you are able to express your own, and if you are unable to do so, they will discuss other options with you.

When the baby is a little older, heavier, and healthier, they will be taken to a normal care ward. They might still be in incubators, and they will still need 24/7 care, but not as intensively or on such high alert as in the NICU ward.

Which professionals can help you at this time?

There are always psychologists on call at the hospital, and nurses will refer the parents to them if they see them struggling to cope with their experience.

Another shining light in this dark time is the Early Bird Foundation. They will send a photographer, free of charge, who will take pictures of you while you’re with your child at the NICU so you can have a beautiful family album to look back upon.

What happens when you return home?

Most Kraamverzorgsters (post-natal maternity nurses), together with your insurance, can offer a few days of help around the house and with the baby once you return home. Please consult your midwife and insurance provider about this.

When receiving guests at home, it’s very important to find a balance between the strict hospital hygiene guidelines and your own house rules. This will take some adjustment.

You can also get an extension to your maternity leave.To calculate this, click here (in Dutch). 

Where can you buy clothes for smaller babies?

Because the NICU is a sterile environment, babies are not allowed to wear clothes. Their bodies still have to learn how to control their temperature and the incubator will regulate this.

Once they’re in the general ward, the babies are allowed to wear a onesie. A premature baby on this ward is usually a size 40/42/44.

There are special premature clothing sites like Neomaatjes and Kleine Kleertjes, but brands like Noppies and Petit Bateau already have a small fit. Hema, Noppies and Prenatal all stock size 44 and Petit Bateau does from size 42. Note that shrinking the onesies at 95 degrees will always help.

Both Pampers and Kruidvat make size 0 diapers, and Difrax stock a premature-sized pacifier. 

What can friends and family do to support parents of premature babies?

Parents of premature babies are most likely exhausted, emotionally drained, and hungry. Friends and family can help by being there to offer them a shoulder to cry on, make them a home-cooked meal, clean their house, or pack them a lunch to bring to the hospital for in between visits. They may also appreciate a ride to or from the hospital.

Having a hard time coping?

For many parents of premature babies, once the adrenalin leaves the body and life becomes normal again, traumatic memories come back and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can sometimes occur. It’s very important to have the hospital psychologist’s contact details on the fridge. As well as watching out for the mother, keep a close eye on the partner during this period. Not only did he have to deal with the traumatic birth, but also with feeling helpless when his partner was in labour, and frightened about the potential physical danger she was in.

Where else can you find support?

Websites

The American website MarchofDimes gives you all the general information that you need, from pregnancy to aftercare.  

The European Foundation for the Care of Newborn Infants is an international site that focuses more on the premature infant and the medical side of things.

The Dutch site Kleine Kanjers sells premature-related merchandise and has an online platform for parents of premature babies.

Facebook Groups

There are a lot of Dutch premature parent support groups on Facebook, but they are mostly on a private setting to protect their members. In these communities, members often offer premature clothes for free or a small donation.

These Dutch groups are:

Prematuurouders 

Kleine Kanjers 

Couveuse Ouders 

Please note that these groups are all in Dutch. To share your questions and get positive feedback in your own language, we recommend doing a Facebook group search for “premature” in your mother tongue.

Lana Huf-Germain gave birth at 29,5 weeks, to little Ruby Etta (795 grams), who is now a happy and very healthy toddler! Lana spends her time helping new expat families feel at home in Amsterdam with her company Amsterdam Family Assistance.

photo credit: Flickr

The post Premature Birth in the Netherlands: Facts and Resources appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Culture is Relative

Culture has a big impact on how we raise our children and no culture gets everything right. I used to think that my Dutch upbringing was not that different from growing up in the rest of the world. Then I became a nanny and a child care professional, which exposed me to many different cultures. The things we feed our kids, how we discipline them, and how we take care of them: there are vast differences!

The cultural differences in raising children became even clearer to me once I became a mother myself. I married a Bosnian man, my sisters married men from Suriname, and I have family all over the world. Exposure to all those different cultures has altered the way I view my own culture, upbringing and parenting.

One thing that struck me is that I seem to be so much more relaxed (or lazy) with my children compared to my multicultural family members. And when I look at social media or read international parenting blogs, I reach the same conclusion.

I believe the reason that many parents in the Netherlands are considered to be relaxed is because of all the things they don’t do rather than they do. So, if you’re exhausting yourself with doing too much, here are seven things you can learn from the Dutch.

1. Don’t worry about  planning all-day-long entertainment for your child

Most parents here send their children to after-school clubs on one or two days a week max. Therefore, most days are left open for free play. That doesn’t mean Dutch parents run around making sure the children are entertained, though. They feel children need to entertain themselves most of the time – playing outside or bringing a friend over from school. The role of the parents is to arrange some lemonade and cookies, while the children are playing. In our household, we occasionally take our daughters to special playgrounds and petting zoos and that’s pretty much it as far as organized activities are concerned.

2. Home cooking needn’t be Michelin starred

Many families in the countryside – and some in the cities – eat the traditional cooked potatoes, vegetables and meat practically every day. Although certainly not adventurous, it’s easy and quick. No fresh herbs, no fancy cooking techniques: just simple, cooked food. At lunch time, kids get sandwiches – first a savory one, with cheese or ham, followed by a sweet one. And yes, a lot of kids eat chocolate sprinkles every day!

3. Don’t bother trying to create little Einsteins

Parents in the Netherlands don’t usually spend much energy persuading their kids to study hard and learn a lot at a young age. They believe that kids will learn what they need to learn at school. And if they do want to learn more about a particular area, they will show interest themselves, instead of their parents pushing them to do it. Having fun at school and enjoying their childhood is probably considered the most important goal during this period.

4. Birthday parties needn’t be professional

Each birthday, Dutch children get birthday garlands, cake (baked or bought) and the pleasure of friends and family coming over. No huge birthday themes, no baking three days beforehand, and most of the party planning is done last minute. This doesn’t mean the birthday boy or girl is not celebrated and doesn’t feel special – on the contrary! We sing songs, give gifts and make sure we spoil the little star of the day. But none of our birthday pictures are Pinterest-proof and we certainly will not win any awards.

5. You don’t need to buy everything new

I love getting second hand clothing and toys for my daughters. I use my sister’s old stroller, I bought my crib from marktplaats.nl (the Dutch e-bay) and I regularly get clothing that my niece has outgrown. In the Netherlands, there’s no taboo in getting or buying second hand clothing or toys for your children, and it can save you a lot of money and time.

6. You are the one in charge of the kids’ schedule – not them

Many parents in the Netherlands believe in routines and early bedtimes for their children. The schedule is holy. This means that Dutch parents may leave early at parties, may not meet with you during naptime, and may have extremely early dinners. But there are several advantages to a tight schedule as well: the children are very well rested, there is less room for discussion about bed time (it’s always the same), and the parents have time for themselves in the evening.

7. Worry less 

I let my kids walk barefoot in the house all the time, which shocks my mother-in-law every time she sees it. If my daughter doesn’t want to wear her jacket, I let her experience the cold for herself and most of the time she’ll put her jacket on within five minutes. And if my children fall, I don’t come running to pick them up immediately. First, I observe if they are hurt and need me. Many times, they’ll just get up and play on.

When they get older, I’ll let them play outside by themselves and let them walk to school alone when the time feels right. The reason for this less protective way of parenting is that I want my daughters to grow into responsible, resilient and independent adults. As they grow up, I want them to learn as many life lessons as they can. If needed, I’ll intervene – but otherwise, I won’t stand in the way. It’s a parenting philosophy that is shared by many parents here.

In Conclusion

If you interact long enough with Dutch parents, you are bound to recognize some of the parenting characteristics described above. They seem to be relaxed and leave their kids a lot of space for exploring the world. In the end, there is no fixed right or wrong way to raise a child. But one thing I know for sure: being a mom is not an easy task, so if being a bit Dutch every now and then helps you cope, it can’t be such a bad thing.

The post Less is More: 7 Things We Can Learn from the Dutch about Parenting appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

So maybe you had dreams of a specific career, studied hard, and had fulfilling roles only to have your career path paused by pregnancy? Or maybe you had your kids young, and followed your partner as his career blossomed and now you feel it’s time to make plans for your working life? But here you are, in a new country, a different culture, and with no extended family around to pick up the childcare duties as you begin your search for work. We know it’s difficult; we know it’s easier to stay in your comfort zone than step into the unknown – but here are some steps which may help you on your way.     

Qualifications

The Netherlands is a bureaucratic country, and they love to see proof of your expertise, so if you qualified outside of the Netherlands you can have your diploma officially recognised. If you are in a regulated profession this is essential in order to develop your career in the Netherlands. Even if this is not the case, it’s a useful step to be able to explain what your qualifications mean in Dutch terms. The organisation which does this is NUFFIC and part of their website is in English.

Childcare 

Next, think about childcare, because if you feel your kids are safe you can spread your wings. No matter how young – or old – your kids are, there is a form of childcare which is appropriate. Paying for childcare is not the same as having family take care of them for you, but on the other hand, you have control over how your children are cared for. It is expensive, but there is a childcare allowance (kinderopvang toeslag) that can be applied for. Many organisations are used to international families, and can provide carers who speak your home language. Check out the Amsterdam Mamas website for articles of what is available and what is the norm in Netherlands. This article is a good place to start.

Career Gaps

Let’s seize the bull by the horns and address your “career gap”. To be honest, this is less of an issue in the Netherlands than in other countries, but sadly, for what feminists may feel are negative reasons. According to government statistics, almost 50% of women in the Netherlands either don’t work or work part time, and 70% of women in the Netherlands are not financially independent. The government is stimulating the return of women to the workforce with several initiatives which could benefit you as a job seeker.

But let’s concentrate on your own career gap. Think about what you have you been doing for the past months or years. Relocating to a new country? Assimilating a new language and culture? Managing a household? Volunteering at school/childcare? These are all new experiences which have brought with them new skills. Think flexibility, adaptability, eager to take on new challenges, project management, leadership, team building. Girl, you are amazing!

Updating your Skills

If you still feel you need to upskill or retrain, then there are opportunities to do so either online or in a classic learning situation. There are online platforms with courses designed by top educational institutions, many of the courses are open access, although you’ll need to pay for the examination and certification. Coursera and Future Learn are both worth checking out. Dutch universities are some of the best in the world and offer many degree programmes in English. For more in-depth studies, begin your research here. 

Update your CV 

When you are ready to start applying for roles, it’s time to update your CV and LinkedIn profile. These are your calling cards to recruiters – the first impression a potential employer gets of you and the value you can add to their organisation. If you need tips on how to create an effective CV and LinkedIn profile, there are some great articles on the topic by LinkedIn influencer Liz Ryan, or get in touch with experts on a local level.

You Don’t Have to Be Superwoman

If the thought of going back into your old profession feels as if you will not be able to perform as well as you did before you had children, try to remember why that job was so demanding. Was it because of the burden of work? Was your boss a slave driver? Or was it because the situation did not allow you to set boundaries? If it was the last reason, then maybe taking coaching sessions will help you to see how you can approach a new job with a new, strong, mind-set.

Let’s get one thing clear, going back to work after you have had your children is not compulsory; being a full-time mom is difficult but immensely rewarding. However, if you enjoyed the work you did in the past, and you feel ready to pick that career up again, we hope these steps will help you begin that journey back to a fulfilling career and personal financial independence.

photo credit: Shutterstock

The post Getting Your Career Back on Track after Having a Baby – Getting Started appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

Before I gave birth, I thought breastfeeding would be like the Medela ads: a happy, well-rested mama gazing down lovingly at a child blissfully chomping away at her breast. Then my daughter was born and I learnt that just because it’s been done for millennia, doesn’t mean it’s easy…

The Beginnings of a Beautiful Friendship

As soon as my daughter was born, the hospital staff attempted to get her to latch. It wasn’t easy. I had no clue what to do and, it seemed, neither did my baby. “No worries,” everyone said, “it takes time”…and then, “Here, why don’t you pump a little in the meantime?”

And so began our friendship – the Pump and I had no idea what we were in for.

When I was first given the Pump (the hospital grade Medela Symphony), I had no idea how to work it and no spare brain cells left to figure it out – and there was this howling monster next to me, not willing to wait patiently for her food. A nurse took pity on me and explained where everything went and assured me that 2ml was quite a good supply. It felt so strange to see milk coming out of my breasts; I has a proud sense of accomplishment – I was a healthy cow! Now that my baby could be fed, we were sent home with good luck wishes. We’d need them.

In spite of a very enthusiastic kraamzorg and a succession of midwives, nurses, and lactation consultants, the next few days were a nightmare. Due to a combination of tongue-tie and flat nipples, even if my daughter managed to latch she could barely get anything out. We would get into the one position where she could actually latch and stay there for hours while she would try to feed and I would attempt to ignore the searing pain in my back and legs.

Meanwhile, my relationship with the Pump continued to blossom. I was now pumping 7 times a day and producing 5-10ml each pump – evidently a success!

I finally threw in the towel and made my decision: I am pumping and ‘que sera sera’…

Then it came to me: the great idea. Why not chuck the whole latching thing and just pump away? Baby gets breastmilk, I retain my sanity. Win-win, right? Well, apparently not. I was told that:

a) Pumping would decrease my supply over time (didn’t happen)

b) It would become harder as the baby grows (somewhat true)

c) You need to breastfeed to bond with the baby (categorically not true!)

Still uncertain, I consulted with more lactation consultants, spoke to endless relatives, and visited the local La Leche League leader- nothing helped my daughter latch. By now, she was six weeks and my husband was getting scared to enter the room after another failed breastfeeding session. I finally threw in the towel and made my decision: I am pumping and que sera sera.

Life as a Pumper Only

The Pump and I remained best friends for the next 5 months – communing together six times a day. I became such an expert at juggling bottles, pipes, flanges, etc. that I could practically wash and sterilize them in my sleep. I was lucky enough to have overproduction and soon our freezer was so stuffed with frozen milk I was giving it away! 

Some parts of pumping exclusively were challenging: the endless sterilizing, the difficulty in traveling (like Cinderella, I had to rush home for the next pump), the complicated excel-mapping of what/when/how much, and the anxiety of whether each pump would produce enough.

But there were benefits too: I could give my child breastmilk exclusively for 9 months; my husband could take over the night feeds (giving me a blissful 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night!); and I used my pumping time as ‘me time’, to read or use social media, where I found an amazingly supportive online community of ‘pumpers-only’.

When I finally packed away the Pump I felt a mix of relief, gratitude and sentiment – it had been a long, rocky road but we had survived it together. Am I glad I did it, in spite of all the contrary advice and chaos? Yes. Would I do it again? Please, NO! But then again, I don’t plan to have another baby, either.

Pumping in the Netherlands

1. In the Netherlands, it is possible to both buy and rent pumps, though the plumbing and bottles have to be purchased separately. Pumps can be tried, rented or bought at De Boezemvriend, Amsterdam. You can also ask your hospital or midwife for contacts.
2. Female employees have a right to spend time during working hours to breastfeed or pump, up to 1/4 of working time per day/shift, until the child turns 10 months. This counts as working time and is paid as usual. Ideally, a room should be made available where you can privately nurse or pump. Be sure to discuss the modalities with your employer beforehand.
3. Traveling with pumps can be daunting – the Netherlands is not blessed with large washrooms where you can privately express. I would recommend looking at battery-powered pumps, where you can pump on the go.
4. You can donate or request breastmilk at: Donormelk aangeboden/gezocht- NL & BE,  Human Milk 4 Human Babies- Netherlands, and VU medisch centrum.
5. Some useful resources online for pumping mothers are: Kellymom.com, La Leche League, and Milking It:  A Closed FB Group for EPing Mothers.

Tips for Pumping:

1. Find a pump that works for your situation – a hospital-issued pump is more powerful, but can be difficult for travel; an electric one is more portable but may take longer. A double electric pump is best.
2. Keep in mind that you will need a plethora of bottles and/or bags for storage, particularly in the beginning when the baby feeds more frequently.
3. There will be a lot of cleanup and sterilization in the beginning – remember, others can do this piece for you.
4. A hands-free bra is a life saver. You can buy one or make your own with a tight-fitting sports bra.
5. Drink a lot of water, eat well, and rest – for both breastfeeding and pumping. It’s the best way to have a good supply.
6. Your body may produce its most milk at the most inconvenient hours. My pumps between 1:00 -7:00 am were the most productive.
7. Create a comfortable pumping station: food, water, and entertainment at hand next to the pump. Make it fun.

Finally, please remember – your child will be healthy and happy when its mama is healthy and happy, whether it is breastfed or formula fed. Whatever path you choose, try to relax and enjoy the ride.

The post Exclusive Pumping: An Unexpected Breastfeeding Journey appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.

What is a Kraamverzorgster?

Kraamzorg is a medical service in the Netherlands that provides postnatal care in the initial 8 – 10 days immediately after birth. A kraamverzorgster is the professional caregiver that comes to your home on a daily basis to deliver this care. This includes:

1. Medical checkups for mother and baby and follow-up discussion of any concerns with your midwife
2. Helping to initiate and assist with breastfeeding and/or bottle feeding 
3. Teaching the entire family how to bathe, dress and feed the new baby
4. Helping any other children at home become comfortable with this newest family member

Your kraamverzorgster will help you gain confidence as a mother by discovering and trusting your instincts, as well as learning how to know your baby’s character. Sometimes this is very subtle, and other times it is rather obvious, e.g. diaper full of pee means the baby must have drunk some milk – Yay!

What Kind of Training Does a Kraamverzorgster Have?

There are a few different ways to become a kraamverzorgster. After completing middle school (mavo/vmbo-preparatory secondary vocational education), people can choose to continue their studies in the caretaking professions. While students are given a broad knowledge about caretaking in general, they can choose to concentrate on kraamzorg. This takes about three years. If a student is over 21 when they begin caretaking studies, they can choose from three kinds of shorter courses, which last from three to eighteen months depending on their previous studies and working experience. Most kraamverzorgsters are returning students. When they have finished their studies, kraamverzorgsters are employed through an agency or are self-employed.

The bottom line is that kraamzorg is flexible and is intended to help you with whatever YOU need to gain strength and get comfortable with your new life.

A Typical Day for a Kraamverzorgster: Working Hours and Tasks

It is hard to say what is typical, because kraamzorg is customised to each family’s needs but, generally, kraamverzorgsters work between three and eight hours a day and while services provided can vary widely, it always includes daily medical checkups.

For mother, this will mean checking temperature, heart beat, examining breasts and womb and discussing how she is feeling physically and mentally; for baby, this will mean getting weighed and having her behavior evaluated (feeling stressed, relaxed, angry, etc.). 

But kraamzorg offers much more than this. Depending on how much help you have during the day from a partner or other family member, your kraamverzorgster may help you in some of the following ways: 

• washing dishes
• housecleaning
• laundry 
• light grocery shopping
• babysitting an older child or children
• making you breakfast
• teaching you baby masssage
• preparing you for your first walk outside with your baby

Your kraamverzorgster may help you discover and set some new boundaries or professionally (very important), and firmly ask those visitors having a fun time in your living room while you yawn and yawn to please go home now! 

The bottom line is that kraamzorg is flexible and is intended to help you with whatever you need to gain strength and get comfortable with your new life.

How Much Does Kraamzorg Cost?

The cost depends on your insurance, so check with them to be sure about your situation. Don’t forget to check whether your kraamzorg agency or your self-employed kraamverzorgster has a contract with your insurance because that can make a difference in the coverage as well.

It is sometimes possible to change your insurance policy before the end of the year and choose postnatal care, in which case kraamzorg should be fully covered. If it is not fully covered (mostly this happens when you try to change coverage when you are already pregnant), you might have ‘basis’ insurance. This means most of the costs are covered except for a small amount per hour (currently €4,30 euro per hour). Depending on how many hours you choose, it could cost you somewhere between €125 – €250. Some luxury insurance packages also include kraamzorg for an additional 5 days of 3 hours a day if it is deemed medically necessary or if you or your baby were in hospital for more than 10 days and the kraamzorg coverage period of ten days had passed by time you got home. If you feel you want more help, you can always call the kraambureau and ask for the possibilities.

What are the Benefits of Having a Kraamverzorgster in the First Few Days of My Baby’s Life?

You can think of a kraamverzorgster as your own temporary private nurse, mom, aunt, best friend, shoulder and coach. She will be there but knows when to step back and she will find her way so don’t see her as a guest but as a respectful and somewhat invisible part of the family for a short while. I believe you know you’ve had a good kraamverzorgster when the 8-10 days is over and you don’t want her to leave but….yes, you also feel like you’re ready for your new little family to fly solo.

How (and When) to Register for Kraamzorg?

It is best to sign up around the end of the first trimester. Your midwife may recommend some kraamzorg agencies, but you can also choose one yourself. About ten weeks before the due date someone will come to your house to complete your intake (house calls are only in Amsterdam, in other cities it is usually done over the telephone). Together you will go over your living arrangements and decide which services would be most beneficial. Please note that the person who performs the intake is unlikely to be your kraamverzorgster.

You can find information about Kraamzorg

1. Through the website of your insurance company
2. Through the website of the city of Amsterdam  (not all agencies are listed because they must register, but mine is listed!)
3. Through links to kraamzorg on your midwife’s website. 
4. Through the sector organisation called Bo Geboortezorg

The post What Is a Kraamverzorgster and Where Can I Find One? appeared first on Amsterdam Mamas.